Six Promises to Myself as I Turn 40

40 is a big year for everyone, for me. This year I get to hit this milestone…HARD. I feel it in my whole being, a change, a sense of renewed interest in a life I've handed in for children who are getting older. This is my year and with that in my mind, I have made myself six promises. 

Me in my twenties, when I thought 40 was old and
very far away!

1. You will not run a marathon. If you feel the need to, you will quickly divert your attention to a less stressful activity such as drinking a glass of wine or watching a movie. You will never, ever attempt a Tri for anything, not for feline leukemia or senior knitting safety awareness. Remember, you cannot swim well and you don’t know how to ride a bike. You have no business participating in a Tri, if you feel you must: run around the block, doggie paddle a lap in the pool, ride the old stationary bike in the basement, and call it good.

2. If you feel a mid-life crisis coming on, you will handle it accordingly. No, you will not sleep with your secretary or anyone else for that matter (you barely ‘sleep’ with your husband and that poor man puts up with you) and you will not buy a flashy new sports car. This is not a 1980’s mid-life crisis. Instead, you will run a race (thereby voiding number 1 in this list), volunteer for a cause, find a foster kid named Ndugu from another country (like Jack Nicholson in About Schmidt), or take part in a farm cooperative, because this is a new age and everyone knows a good mid-life crisis means getting healthy. Health equals longevity, so you can live until you are 150, at which time your body will be cryogenically frozen so you’ll never have to leave this Earth. Isn't that what Walt Disney did?

3. Remember where you came from. This can include (but is not limited to) any or all of the following:  Binge watch John Hughes movies, get drunk on Goldschlager and kamikazee shots, dance on a table at a college bar to the musical stylings of J. Geils and Melissa Etheridge, and play drinking games like quarters and Kings. Meet up with your best friend, the one you haven’t seen in five years, and talk about the times when you used to kiss boys and hang out at the mall.

4. Look to the future, because you are half way to the finish line, based on current life expectancy. Feel okay about it, because this could change at any time, and there are no do overs. Write the book, tell people how you feel, hug your kids, live moments without fear and speak up when you need and want to. You are getting too old to let things pass. unless they are of little importance….pick and choose your battles. Not everything is worth fighting for.

5. Grab the world by the balls TODAY, because you've spent ten years raising children and avoiding yourself. Now, the mirror is filled with a person you've never examined for fear you wouldn’t like the new face, the new you. But, take a good look and make adjustments…take stock. If you don’t like what you see, change it. This world belongs to you too. And if you show your children that you can change and grow at any age, they’ll be able to do it one day too when they turn forty, something you hope you’ll be around to see. 

6. While you’re checking out the new you, take the advice of those annoying Disney chicks and, “let it go.” Throw away regret and flaws. Remember you've worked hard for the fine lines and grays. Don’t dismiss them, embrace and display them. Those sag bags nursed four children and that stomach expanded and stretched to unimaginable size to carry humans who are now healthy, happy and relatively well-adjusted. The veins, while hideous to look at, still perform as they should and keep you alive. You have battle scars from a life well-lived. Revel in your imperfections, you have several. We all do, at every age. Give yourself a break, because you still have a long way to go…if you’re lucky.

Happy 40th Remember it is only the beginning, even if life’s timeline calls it the middle.  

You can find me here or: 

You can like me on Facebook by clicking this icon

You can follow the Sh*t Show on Twitter by clicking this icon

If you'd like to receive an email whenever something happens in the sh*t show and I post it here, fill in the email box in the upper right hand side of this blog.

Or feel free to send an email to and tell me you love, hate or are indifferent to my blog....


  1. The 40 Club isn't so bad, except Facebook profiles the shit out of you and suddenly articles about menopause and how difficult it is to lose weight after turning 40 start to appear in your feed. Those bastards. Other than that it's just like 39. We'll have to party like it's 1999 - break out the Zima!

  2. Ha! 40 seems SO young to me now. Enjoy your youth, which is what it is. Yes, 40 can be an ass-kicker. But. From what I've seen? Best time of your life. ENJOY.

  3. Thanks so much for reading ladies. I think 40 will be fabulous. It is totally going to be my decade! EJ, let me know if you find some of that Zima!

  4. Love it! Hilarious, and excellent advice.

    But, I have to say, you really offended me with your lack of commitment to senior knitting safety awareness. I mean, seriously....those needles are sharp as hell, and their eyes, not so much. :)


Welcome to the Sh*t Show

Subscribe to Suburban Sh*t Show to enjoy new weekly posts. Never miss a thing!