Inappropriate Endings to 5 Truly Terrible Kids' Shows

I am a television junkie. I loovvvvvvvveee television. I love my kids. I do not love television for kids. Sure, some of it's okay. And we actually adored Arthur (you know, the ardvark). I once came home to find my husband watching the show after he'd put our then four year old to bed. He needed to know what had happened to Arthur's lost library book. But Arthur is the exception rather than the rule. And while some shows are watchable, there are five that I would love to see end forever. Here is how I envision their totally inappropriate endings. 

Living the Life My Mother Once Did

I remember the smell of smoke in our living room. My father sat on the velvet green couch, a Lucky burning in the ashtray beside his tumbler of scotch. He held one eye on the sports section of the paper, and the other on the nightly news. My mother often came in, though she rarely joined him. The living room, with it’s intricately beaded throw pillows, belonged to him. 

We Need to Talk About Marriage Because I Don't Believe Your Facebook Status

Recently my marriage went through a glorious period where I was ‘newlywed’ in love with my husband, we parented in sychronicity, we finished each other’s sentences--we were the Facebook couple others pretended to be. And in one fell swoop, it ended. We fought--a knock down, drag out fight. The sort reserved for reality shows and soap operas, minus the drink throwing of course. We don’t waste beer and wine.

The Little Girl Who Couldn't Ride

And the little girl believes in the warmth of the sun as she whispers and sings in a raspy and broken voice. The words, those she thinks to be correct, are all wrong. She sings anyway. Her notes rise against the wind, carried high up and away like a balloon she remembered from another summer. She had watched it with wonder until she’d realized what she’d lost, and then she cried until her father promised her a new one.