5 Consideratons When Preparing for Your Digital Girls’ Night

I have several friends who live out of state. I rarely see them and our friendships, which used to be so intimate, have grown distant. While we all want to stay in touch, life often prevents us from doing so minus the texts and Facebook status updates we trade—and even those are less frequent then we’d like. Our friendships seem reduced to 100-word impersonal musings and memes about husbands, kids and milestones and/or the annual girls’ night or weekend.

Of course now, there is technology that can bring the intimacy and face-to-face interaction back for a new sort of girls’ night. With things like Skype, Google Hangout and FaceTime, you and your friend can actually sit and have that weekly girls’ night, not the “Woot! Woot!” dancing on table type, but rather the lets grab dinner and catch up kind. You can even enjoy a glass of well deserved and much needed wine. But, with this new technology comes a different way of thinking.

Unlike when you used to talk on the phone, you will now be able to see each other. Depending on how close and honest you are this may require some preparation.

Your Appearance

You may want to put on makeup and even brush up on your best angle. Just like Paris Hilton worked with someone on the perfect pose, you can figure out if looking down gives you jowls or if looking up allows your friend to see the tiny nose hairs you’ve yet to trim.  The thing to remember is that she will only be able to see your top half, which means you’ll want to wear a pretty top with a bra, especially after all the years of nursing children. However, you will be relieved to know you can go commando and pantless and she will never be the wiser unless you shift the camera. Also, though you may feel the need to brush your teeth, there is no real need because she can’t smell through her cell or laptop. Technology, thankfully, hasn’t come that far yet.

Your Actions and Expressions

Because your friend will be able to see your face well, you should avoid picking your nose, teeth or any other orifice. You will also want to avoid resting bitch face and any other expression or mannerism that will give feelings away that you used to be able to hide when talking on the phone. Remember, you wouldn’t dare make these if you were actually meeting up in person. When she tells you her husband, (the one you aren’t crazy about), forgot their anniversary or reveals her disgust at her size 24-inch waist, you’ll want to remain mannerism neutral. Remember she can see you.

Your House

Yes, your friend will now be able to see your house. Of course if you pick one spot, you can adjust the lighting and make sure the area behind you is clean. Clear off a spot and set up some nice knick knacks in the background. Place that favorite family picture, that took you six hours to get, right in her line of sight. It will distract her from that stray gray hair and the fact that you haven’t cleaned the house all week, which she shouldn’t be able to see if you’ve positioned things correctly. This process is exactly the same as what you do at Christmas when you take the kids’ pictures for the cards you send to all your friends and relatives.

Your Snacks and Beverages

No, you won’t be able to share, but you do want to have these laid out and close by when you connect. If you don’t you will have to take your friend into the kitchen and possibly reveal more than you’d like to. This travel through your house could include any of the following (depending on the location of your kitchen): your two year old running around without a diaper, a sleeping or yelling husband depending on his mood because men are moody too, or a television show that is less than appropriate for kids who actually should all be in bed because Mommy is on a call. While you will bitch openly about all the behind the scenes messiness of life, you won’t actually want your friend to see it. 

Your Family

Put the kids in bed, send the husband to the sofa, offer porn if necessary—anything so your girls’ night is not interrupted or impeded in any way. Normally you are out of the house for face to face meetings with a friend or hiding down the basement on your cell where no one can see the piles of laundry or the spider webs you never bother to clean. Maybe you could use the bathroom since that is where you normally go to hide anyway. No wait, that would be the first place your family looked. No matter which room you choose, finding a spot where you will not be interrupted is pivotal to the success of your meeting. Of course, depending on your family such a spot may not exist.

If all else fails shut the lights off and hide in a closet with a flashlight. You and your friend can tell scary stories like you did when you were kids. You can still bring wine because girls’ night, whether in person or in cyberspace, requires wine.